It's Good To Be Free

Title courtesy of Mr Gallagher ;)

So I did it. I went back into work this morning and told my brand new line manager I wanted to leave. His face was an absolute picture, and one I'd rather forget. Turns out I had to do a week's notice but when he told me this I think my face must have been a picture. Honestly, I was *so* close to crying, which was something I really did not want to do in front of anyone else. I managed to persuade him to let me leave there and then. So my week's notice goes unpaid obviously because I'm not actually working (duh). And it also turns out I've already been paid for it so now I owe them a cheque. Humbugs.

Oops

Someone neglected to tell me that working full time would cause me to have absolutely NO spare time whatsoever. OK, so that's not technically true - I have been spending an awful lot of time on Fan Forum obsessing over my new found love for the TV show Heroes. My, that show is good! I've also reaquainted myself with [whispers] Live Journal. That's probably some kind of swear word on here, but I like to spread my custom around a bit. I've been using my LJ to showcase some icons I've been making, mostly of Heroes, but soon I think I will branch out.

Having something to do with no point other than I enjoy it is proving to be quite a boon since I started work at The Company. The four weeks of training have completely flown by, even if certain single days on their own dragged like nothing I have ever experienced before. Blah. There's some lovely lovely people in my group, there are also some complete numptys. Such is life. I have however reached the conclusion that I never should have applied for this job. My instinct and natural aversion to telephone work should have been a giveaway. I can't do it. I've just had 2 and a half days off with some silly flu thingy, but truth be told I probably could have dragged myself in if it wasn't so awful.

So. Back to work on Tuesday after the much needed Bank Holiday weekend and I have no idea what I'm going to do. By the next time I get around to writing this blog I might be unemployed again. Ho hum.

Oooh, but it's not all doom and gloom. We bought our wedding rings today *yay*

time flies.... supposedly

As another fortnight passes by and I haven't written anything for the blog I find myself wondering again what my actual intentions for this thing really are. Not in an "Bloody hell, what's the point?!" kind of way, just a genuine questioning of what I am using this blog for. I think I have stated before that I don't want it to turn into an online diary of the sort a schoolgirl would write. I remember all too well those night-time missives about who I fancied most that week, who had fallen out with who at break time and whether or not I like the new Take That single. OK, looking at the last one, maybe not that much has changed in the intervening 14 years! I also remember how I would start out all enthusiastic at the beginning of a fresh new diary. All those crisp, blank pages inviting me to spill my heart. By the end of the notebook I would be sick to the back teeth of sitting up in bed trying to think of something to write. So, this is how the online blog is an improvement - I only need to blog when I have something to blog about.

Not that there haven't been things to blog about in the last few weeks, it just seems that time has got away from me again. As the old saying goes 'Time flies when you're having fun'... but I have recently discovered in the weeks leading up to the mildly unanticipated start of my new job I am discovering that time does, in fact, pootle along of it's own accord whether you've found something productive to do with your time or not. I kept thinking I had ages to go before I knuckled down and earned some cash, now it's less than a week away. And despite my best efforts to use the intervening time wisely I find I have not very much to show for 7 months of unemployment. I thought I had done quite well with my reading this year, and after discovering a thread entitled '50 book challenge' on Shelfari I thought "Hey, that's easy. I can definitely read 50 books in a year." Er.... maybe I can if I get a wiggle on. I'm sure I must have forgotten a couple, but I wrote out my list of 2007 finished books so far... 20. That's pathetic! So I've cracked on with the new Harry Potter and finished it in 2 days. I won't write any kind of review for it because a) I don't really enjoy writing conventional reviews of things, and therefore don't find it very easy and b) I don't want to unwittingly give the game away in case someone stumbles across this page. And there's a perfectly adequate chat about the book here and a slightly more crazy one here. I have been marking my progress with Mr M's brother via text message so no doubt we'll have a good old discussion of it at the weekend.
But apart from trying to read lots, what exactly have I been doing with myself since Christmas? I suppose it's not all bad when I look back, a greater part of the year was taken up with my Open University course and I am very pleased with how I did on that. Still waiting for the official results now but I'm sure there won't be any nasty surprises in that brown envelope. I try not to think about the number of people doing OU courses who hold down a full time job at the same time. I struggled with working part time over Christmas. And when I start Approaching Literature in February I will be working full time. Only my old friend time will tell how I manage with that.

one day blends into another

This is the main problem I have at the moment, waiting in the limbo between being offered a job I don't really want and actually starting the darned thing. If memory serves me right the last time I posted on here was when I had just had the phone call offering me the job of Phone Monkey. Since then things haven't exactly been straightforward but I baulk at the idea of treating this blog as simply somewhere for me to vent my spleen. Of course, that's one of the reasons I set it up, but it was never meant to be all whinge whinge whinge. So. Before I go into details of mixed up start dates and incompetent agency peeps I shall talk about some happy things going on at the moment. For, of course, for this 25 year old Making Her Way, there are downs but there are also certainly many ups!



Last week me and Mr M when to London for a gig with our very good friends D and K. They are moving into their own place soon so I'm very much looking forward to buying them a cheesy house warming present! The gig was a little disappointing, being caught in the most ridiculous summer storm on the way there didn't help. But it was lovely to see D and K again as we don't get to see them nearly enough since they've moved away. We shall, however, be seeing them again in a week and a bit for Truck 10! Very excited about that, even if the line up does look a little bit off. I won't go into details here because I posted a big waffle about it on my other blog.



July is going to be a very busy month for both myself and Mr M. I've got a wedding dress fitting on Saturday, so I'm on a very strict low sugar and low fat diet this week. Not that it will probably make much difference if I don't stop drinking so much beer. I've developed quite an impressive buddha belly over the past few years. Whilst I'm off twirling around in ivory, Mr M is going to a family BBQ. The idea of him going to BBQs always makes me laugh (if I'm not also attending) or fills me with horror (if I am). He has the fussiest attitude to food of any grown man I have ever met. He is normally just happy with a can of warm lager and a cheese roll. At the end of the month we're both going up to his family's for the weekend, and I'm off to see the new Harry Potter film with his Mum and brothers. I'm hoping to sit on the end of the row and bury myself in the popcorn so I don't have to explain what's going on to his Mum!!



Then the last thing for July is to start my new job on the 30th. I was originally supposed to be starting next Monday but that would mean doing shifts on Saturday mornings. No thank you very much! And also an 8.30 start. What a silly idea. I'm never normally awake before 10am! They also wouldn't let me have any holiday at all whilst I'm in training for the first 6 weeks, which would include Truck weekend. So I said no to that. Then I was offered a part time shift starting in August. But I worried that my training would be longer and I might not get the holiday I want for my hen weekend! So that was a no as well. I'm now doing the 11.30am-8pm shift which is a bit rubbish but at least I get some kind of lie in. I'm still trying not to think about the whole thing too much because then I'll start panicking. I just have to keep telling myself I didn't have any choice but to accept the job. I had another horrible dream last night about my teeth going rotten and falling out! And we all know what those sort of dreams mean....

some good news

I got the job! Now all I've got to do is sort out my very confusing holiday. I have to do a half day on a Saturday, and normal hours 8.30-5.30 during the week with Thursdays off. I've got to try and figure out what to do about Truck Festival! aaargh

light at the end of the tunnel

I'm supposed to look for at least 3 jobs every week as part of my 'contract' with the Job Centre. It's become slightly nauseating for me to continually apply for jobs that I know I'm not going to get when the Job Centre aren't excatly giving me much in return. Last time I went to sign on I tried to tell the woman I didn't see the point of going there every fortnight if I'm not going to be given any money. She somehow persuaded me to keep going because they'll pay my National Insurance for me while I'm unemployed. She said I couldn't retire if I hadn't paid enough. As if that will happen! She said it in a slightly malicious way and looked at me as if I was useless. I absolutely HATE going to the Job Centre. I don't want to sound like a snob but I see/hear some of the people going in there to do the same thing as me and I feel so out of place. Ach well, I've got another interview arranged with The Company on Thursday so hopefully I won't have to be going much longer. Yes, I seem to be feeling OK about the job again now. Let's see if it lasts until Wednesday night.

a minor setback

Yesterday's interview didn't go ahead as planned. It's my own fault. I've spent the last 2 days in my PJs and feeling a bit off. Had a complete panic yesterday morning and in a fit of madness phoned them up and said I couldn't make it. I don't know if I was just being wussy or if the bad feeling I had actually means something. I know this job isn't ideal for me but I thought maybe I cuold just do it for a little while for the money. I'm still so desperate to move house. I keep looking at all the property pages and websites until I remember we can't actually afford it yet! Very annoying.

On a plus side tho, I have had quite a relaxing couple of days (if you ignore the fact that I've not been feeling 100%). Many cups of tea have been consumed and Mr M very kindly went and bought some biscuits and macaroni cheese last night. Mmmmm. Today I have spent several hours watching Take That on You Tube. I feel a bit weird now! Kind of nostalgic but also a bit melancholy. I'd like to think I was so full of hope back when Take That were my favourite band (11 or 12 years old). I do remember being very indecisive about what I wanted to do when I was older. That certainly hasn't changed with time! Over the years I entertained the ideas of being:

• arcaeologist - I used to love it when my Dad would dig up a patch of the garden and we would unearth bits of old pottery. I say old.... probably only from the 60s when the house was first built but that's quite exciting to an 8 year old!!
• nurse - when I first started watching Casualty and ER I thought this would be a great thing to get into.... then I thought about being puked on by patients and all the night shifts. No ta.
• mehcanic - I had a lovely pair of yellow dungarees when I was about 7 or 8 so I used to play mechanic in the back garden. Maybe I didn't seriously think of it as a career but I certainly loved helping my Dad out with all the sort of boyish jobs around the house. I used to love helping him decorate. My Mum would always make us wear plastic bags over our hair so we didn't get covered in paint - we must have looked a sight!
• singer - I think everone goes through one of these phases. When I was thinking about college and around my GCSEs I started learning the guitar and trying to write my own songs. I was OK with lyrics but I never did get the hang on the guitar properly! Truth be told my hands are too small for a full size :(
• storm chaser - Yes seriously. I had an obsession with watching TV programmes and films about extreme weather conditions and wanted to be one of those crazy gits who goes chasing off across fields in Texas after tornados. Never mind the fact that I lived in Dorset, England! I still wish I had gone on to do Geography A Level but I guess it's too late now!
• web designer - This was the real serious one. At college I got all my best marks back for designing page layouts and thought somehow I could translate that into a career. I taught myself HTML and went to study Computing at uni.... turns out that wasn't enough. After my second attempt at uni (this time studying Digital Media) I realised I didn't have the commitment and motivation to get into such a competitive field.

So what do I want to do now? Truth be told I honestly don't know. I think I'll just be happy to finish my degree with the OU and then see what happens. Story of my life :)

The Grand Plan

Goal#1 Find a job. Any job! Although preferably not in a shop. Being 25 years old and unemployed doesn't have such a great ring to it. I dread that question at parties and family gatherings: "So what do you do?". Answer: not very much at the moment.

Goal#2 Stay in said job long enough to use it as useful experience and a Ladder To Success! I've seen a couple of jobs I would've liked to apply for (charities administrator, events fundraiser, admin support for NHS Direct or Hampshire Police) but I don't have enough experience yet. Ultimately I want to do a job that is useful to and helping the public, rather than just helping some money grabbing multinational company to make an even bigger profit.

Goal#3 Finish my degree. I'm 1/3 of the way there now and I haven't lost my mind so it looks like distance learning is the way to go for me. I've just completed my first course with the Open University, AZX103 An Introduction to the Humanities, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. As with any course work I was at times pulling my hair out and thinking "why oh why did I choose to give myself this much work?!" but looking back now I can honestly say I loved the course. As it was my first with the OU I decided to go for one of their online courses, and all but our first tutorials were conducted via a message board. Our tutor Trish was great, very understanding when we had any extra-curricular problems (I had a nasty virus in February which effectively had me laid up in bed for 2 weeks unable to do ANYTHING), super quick at marking and returning our assignments, and a veritable fountain of knowledge about seemingly everything! She fell ill towards the end of the course and we had to have a new tutor for our last assignments. Pam was very helpful in the last few weeks of the course. So what now? Well, I now have to do 2 'level 2' and 2 'level 3' courses to complete a BA (hons) Humanities. I'm going to be so happy when I finally have that degree certificate in my hand! It's been a long hard road......and I'm only half way there so far! Here's the plan for my other OU courses:

• Feb 2008 A210 Approaching Literature (already registered and halfway through the reading list - go me!)


• Oct 2008 or Feb 2009 DA204 Understanding Media


• Oct 2009 or Feb 2010 AA316 The Nineteenth Century Novel (can't wait to do this, the reading list includes some of my very favourite books and I managed to find one of the course textbooks in Oxfam for £1.99)


• Oct 2010 or Feb 2011 AA310 Film and Television History OR


• AA300 Europe: Culture and Identities in a Contested Environment

I had originally planned to study towards BA (hons) Humanities with English Literature and Media Studies, meaning I would have to do 2 media and 2 literature courses. Having since discovered AA300 I really want to do that one now! I couldn't possible give up on AA316 so it looks like AA310 will be the casualty. This is the great thing about studying with the OU, you can pick and choose your courses as you go along. The problem I'd had with 'conventional' degree courses was only being interested in maybe half the units on a set syllabus.

Goal#4 Learn shorthand. This will prove very useful in goal #2 and having only started learning it from a book on Friday I think I'm doing quite well already. Useful to have an ex-journalism student for a fiance, he can help me out when I get stuck, and is even talking of taking the exams when I do (he never entered for them when he was at uni).

Goal#5 Do some kind of word processing course and get a certificate to prove it. Having used computers on an almost daily basis for goodness knows how long I'm pretty confident, and halfway to learning to touch type. Just saying this isn't good enough for some employers, though. I'm looking at doing either the RSA Intermediate or the CLAIT course. Just got to figure out where/when I can do it now!

So there you have it, my Grand Plan to Sorting Out My Life. Not too much to ask is it?!

progress already

What this morning looked like yet another dead end has miraculously transformed into something that looks rather promising. Another of those dreaded 'telephone interviews' out of the way (why do all companies seem so keen on these nowadays?! what's wrong with just a face to face interview - they're going to make me do one afterwards anyway!). They are pleased to inform me that I have been successful with this stage of my application and would like to invite me to a recruitment thingy on Wednesday! Oh what joy. As if a monkey couldn't do the job blindfolded with a whole wheelbarrow full of bananas in front of him to distract. Still, mustn't grumble. Maybe that 'luxury' 2 bed house is possible after all.

All I have to worry about now is what to wear to the more conventional interview on Wednesday now. And not spending the next 48 hours in a state of panic. Worrying about panicking?! Surely not.

introducing...

This blog is here to chart the progress (rapid or otherwise) of one downhearted 25 year old in Making Her Way.

• friendly but shy
• enthusiastic but untested
• carefree but full of worry
• excited but tired

It's not all bad, though. Soon I will be newly wed and very happy. I hope somehow everything will start to fall into place.