a minor setback

Yesterday's interview didn't go ahead as planned. It's my own fault. I've spent the last 2 days in my PJs and feeling a bit off. Had a complete panic yesterday morning and in a fit of madness phoned them up and said I couldn't make it. I don't know if I was just being wussy or if the bad feeling I had actually means something. I know this job isn't ideal for me but I thought maybe I cuold just do it for a little while for the money. I'm still so desperate to move house. I keep looking at all the property pages and websites until I remember we can't actually afford it yet! Very annoying.

On a plus side tho, I have had quite a relaxing couple of days (if you ignore the fact that I've not been feeling 100%). Many cups of tea have been consumed and Mr M very kindly went and bought some biscuits and macaroni cheese last night. Mmmmm. Today I have spent several hours watching Take That on You Tube. I feel a bit weird now! Kind of nostalgic but also a bit melancholy. I'd like to think I was so full of hope back when Take That were my favourite band (11 or 12 years old). I do remember being very indecisive about what I wanted to do when I was older. That certainly hasn't changed with time! Over the years I entertained the ideas of being:

• arcaeologist - I used to love it when my Dad would dig up a patch of the garden and we would unearth bits of old pottery. I say old.... probably only from the 60s when the house was first built but that's quite exciting to an 8 year old!!
• nurse - when I first started watching Casualty and ER I thought this would be a great thing to get into.... then I thought about being puked on by patients and all the night shifts. No ta.
• mehcanic - I had a lovely pair of yellow dungarees when I was about 7 or 8 so I used to play mechanic in the back garden. Maybe I didn't seriously think of it as a career but I certainly loved helping my Dad out with all the sort of boyish jobs around the house. I used to love helping him decorate. My Mum would always make us wear plastic bags over our hair so we didn't get covered in paint - we must have looked a sight!
• singer - I think everone goes through one of these phases. When I was thinking about college and around my GCSEs I started learning the guitar and trying to write my own songs. I was OK with lyrics but I never did get the hang on the guitar properly! Truth be told my hands are too small for a full size :(
• storm chaser - Yes seriously. I had an obsession with watching TV programmes and films about extreme weather conditions and wanted to be one of those crazy gits who goes chasing off across fields in Texas after tornados. Never mind the fact that I lived in Dorset, England! I still wish I had gone on to do Geography A Level but I guess it's too late now!
• web designer - This was the real serious one. At college I got all my best marks back for designing page layouts and thought somehow I could translate that into a career. I taught myself HTML and went to study Computing at uni.... turns out that wasn't enough. After my second attempt at uni (this time studying Digital Media) I realised I didn't have the commitment and motivation to get into such a competitive field.

So what do I want to do now? Truth be told I honestly don't know. I think I'll just be happy to finish my degree with the OU and then see what happens. Story of my life :)